Control

Stop trying to force your will on absolutely everything.

Don't be this guy.

One of the single most destructive habits you can develop is that of overcontrol. It is no exaggeration to say that attempting to control every variable has blown up more businesses, relationships, and various other types of systems than anything else. We think that increased control decreases volatility and gives us a better chance at success, but more often than not we get the opposite: complete and utter chaos.

This is your brain playing the same trick on you, making you believe that the answer to uncertainty is forcing your will upon your environment. Even if you've been given the tools to resist this urge, it finds its way into your behavior anyway. The irony lies in the fact that this a desire for stability and predictability paradoxically breeds the very instability and unpredictability it seeks to avoid.

Avoiding Reality

In the pursuit of control, the reality of complex adaptive systems is ignored. These systems, be they in business, personal relationships, or ecological networks, thrive on a certain level of autonomy and organic interaction. When every variable is tightly controlled, the natural dynamism of these systems is stifled.

This stifling leads to fragility, where even minor disturbances can cause disproportionate disruptions. It's like over-pruning a tree: in an attempt to shape it perfectly, its natural growth is stunted, making it more susceptible to environmental stressors.

The quest for control is often based on the fallacy that all variables can be known, measured, and managed. This is a Sisyphean task in a world characterized by complexity and change. In complex systems, the interdependencies and interactions among components are so intricate and dynamic that they defy simplistic control mechanisms. What works today may not work tomorrow, and the attempt to maintain a steady hand often leads to a loss of touch with the evolving reality of the system.

This overbearing need for control also ignores the creative and adaptive potential inherent in many systems. In business, for instance, employees who are given the freedom to experiment, fail, and learn often contribute far more than those who are treated like remote control automatons.

Loosening the grip of control can lead to emergent properties that would not arise under a regime of strict management. Very little of value has come from systems that are highly controlled, while a diverse tapestry of discoveries and inventions have emerged naturally in fluid environments.

Damage

In personal relationships, allowing space for individuality and spontaneity can lead to more human interactions. Ask yourself: do you want to be in any kind of relationship with a control freak? If you answered "yes," chances are you need to see a mental health professional immediately!

Psychological damage from the desperate need for control cannot be understated. It breeds anxiety, as the gap between the desired state of absolute control and the reality of inherent unpredictability widens. It can lead to burnout, as the effort to maintain control becomes increasingly taxing. And in many cases, it results in a paradoxical loss of control, as the system either collapses under the weight of rigid management or breaks free in an chaotic manner.

The antidote to overcontrol is not abandonment of structure but rather the adoption of a more nuanced approach that recognizes the limits of control and the value of flexibility, adaptability, and resilience. It is about finding the balance between guidance and freedom, between planning and spontaneity, and between intervention and evolution.

Letting go to some degree not only aligns with the realities of complex systems but also offers a more sustainable and less stressful way of navigating the world. In relinquishing the illusion of total control, you open yourself up to the rich web of possibilities that emerge when systems are allowed to find their own way forward.